# 20 facts about me

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September 7, 2014 by Wayne.

Since I have zero friends, I’ve decided to nominate myself for this exercise



  1. When I was little, I wanted to be a mermaid. I guess I thought Teles and Ligiea were mermaids, like Siren was the Grecian term for mermaid or something
  2. When I was slightly less little, I wanted to be a spy. I fully attribute this to my parents buying me The Ultimate Spy Book, which had a lot of nice pictures of tiny guns masquerading as cigarette lighters, and other neat stuff of that ilk. When that too faded, I realized I was 22 and unemployed, with no purpose in life
  3. I’ve been wanting to write a novel for ages, but all I have to show for it are two half-finished attempts, abandoned for being too boring to finish
  4. Today was pretty interesting, actually. I went to bed last night with a list of the usual things to do (coding, excel, language, sql, writing etc), and have so far done none of them. This observation can be equally applied to any day of my last 5 or so years.
  5. I went on a blind date with a Vietnamese cheerleader once. I thought bringing her to a pizza place was pretty funny, but I never saw her again, so maybe not
  6. Although, upon further reflection, that may have just been because I’m ugly as nuts. I guess that counts as a fact, right
  7. Realistically speaking, I’m obviously abusive as fuck and have some deep-rooted anger issues
  8. Also, I want to play Dungeons & Dragons but my friends aren’t nerdy enough, being non-existent.
  9. I’m not a massive coffee fan, but I’m getting a bit sick of all the milky lattes and shit like that, trying to only go for hand brewed / cold brew etc now. Not that I can honestly taste all the various layers and depth of flavour. It’s easy enough to toss out a string of faff to make it seem like I do though
  10. I’m actually pretty shite at games, I think. I mostly enjoy the atmosphere and the community – specifically, complaining about how toxic the community is/has become
  11. If I had money, I would open a bookstore + cafe, and spend my days reading and insulting people ala Bernard Black. Also, I’d travel. Alone. Mostly alone. I mean, I’d meet people along the way, obviously. I’d make it a point to live 1-2 months a year in a different city, at least. I might try to learn to play the guitar properly, learn to write music and speak a bunch of languages, and do cool shit like rock climb, write a novel etc.
  12. Realistically, I’d waste away into a growing mound of fat, eyes red from the 24/7 screen glare
  13. It’s a bit annoying when something I really, really like gets co-opted by the masses. It’s fantastic that we live in an age where the DC and Marvel universes are spread across a cohesive set of live-action movies and TV series, but it’s also annoying when some prick who’s never read a Superman graphic novel in his life thinks he can pass judgment about Supes not acting in character in Man of Steel. Or when some son of a bitch completely misses the various thematic threads of Breaking Bad and hollers along with the shoot-em-up scenes – like, fuck, the show isn’t even particularly deep, man
  14. Pretty sure the first time I made out with a girl was near one of the 7 Elevens at Taman Desa, opposite a car workshop where a mechanic leered at us. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, though I did end up with blue balls after, which was pretty bad. The next time we met, she gave me a hurried handy in one of her apartment’s stairwell, so that was a bit better. She smelled faintly of cardamom and was prettier when she didn’t smile.
  15. I once liked this bitch from college for like two whole years, and I’m really not sure why. We don’t have anything in common, really. And her ultimate dream is to be a housewife, which is generally a dealbreaker for me, which I guess goes to show that dealbreakers aren’t dealbreakers when my dick’s involved. She was/is visually stunning, I’ll give her that. And I liked spending time with her and watching her microexpressions.
  16. I’m usually alright with going for gigs alone – I tend to bump into people I know there, or I’d made plans beforehand to meet up with friends for a bit anyway. Plus, once the bands start up, it doesn’t really matter much. I get lost in the music either way. Here’s the thing, though, I wish more people would go for gigs alone. As it is, I’ve never been able to go up to someone who came alone and just start chatting. The best I can do is go up to groups, which is almost always very strange and awkward. It’s not like I crave interactions with strangers that much (or at all), but it’s always nice to meet people with the same tastes and, yknow, if you’re there you probably enjoy that same band at least, right?
  17. I know my voice isn’t great, and all the songs are downtempo and depressing and sound same-y, but I still want to someday properly record my album.
  18. I wish people would grow out of religion, even if it means relying on something equally ridiculous over time.
  19. I miss the days of raw denim and petting my cat while playing FM and drinking and waiting for Danny to come over and watch Community. Those SF days are pretty much over.
  20. There are days when I don’t miss you at all, don’t even think about you, really. One day, it’ll be like it never happened, and it really didn’t if you think about it, about how inconsequential it all was compared to everything that’s still to come in this short, miserable, brutish life, about how inconsequential it already is to the million other heartbreaks happening right now, not that anyone else’s suffering diminishes the value of yours/mine, but you know, I don’t know if I want to stop remembering the way you smile, although frankly I can’t quite remember your voice anymore. Ah well. One day.

re 15: i think i still kind of like her though, i dunno

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