August 9, 2014 by Wayne.
uhm. i don’t know. nah, no. something else
uhhh ben’s? we could do ben’s
oh god no fuck that place
i – okay. what do you want.
i don’t know. somewhere else. choose something else
fuck, i just – i did. what do you want
Fine, it’s later now
My insides have stopped shouting for restfulness
We’ve swapped labour for reviewed mark-ups,
square-framed blurs of – duck confit?
confit, why not
Staring at different spots on the table
Drinking an appropriate number of
refills before we can
Wondering if I should bother
thinking of something to say
I don’t really want conversation right now, yknow
is that so wrong
I’m sure I still
enjoy your company
outside of the sex and having a familiar face at new places etc
we talk sometimes, right
I’ve stopped caring about the shit you say, but
I mean, I talk sometimes
Always nice to have someone to listen, I guess
I’ve been talking to, yknow, her, a bit
like on whatsapp and shit, just all friendly-like
it’s nothing, alright
it’s just fucking refreshing to have someone not so
fucking boring anymore
okay, not what I meant, you know that
After, I wonder what you’ll say when you find out
stumbling over your words when you’re trying
to not resort to repeated fucks screamed in varying volumes
And I guess I should just enjoy the moment, right, shit’s not going to last.
But, shit, I dunno. I don’t
I’m starting to feel a bit bad about it
I listen to her heart tap gleefully against her left breast
strands of blonde stuck to her sweaty skin
and think about the time I
reached over the seat and choked you with both hands
pushed your head back until you swatted at my fingers
and i rested my face on your breasts and said sorry
I know, I swear I do
But not now, please
In the end, surprisingly, you don’t say very much. We go through the motions, and they’re still tiring despite the ease at which I fall into my role. In the end, I feel hollowed out. You, quiet now, just before you leave, touch me briefly on the arm, fingers barely grazing the skin.
And you go.